Gaia Community: jdp's Blog

Snowy Weekend

http://jdp.gaia.com — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 19:51:50 GMT

My son keeps me young. I, of course, during this snowy weekend, wanted to stay in bed or on the couch with a book or Season 4 of Lost on dvd. But my child had other ideas. Actually, his only idea was wanting to go sled riding. But as much as I let the gears turn I couldn't think of a single local (as in I'm not driving in this) hill suitable for sled riding that wasn't tree covered or that didn't end in the river. So, I launched all the sand toys into the back yard and started "oh, come on! this can be fun!" and sure enough he caught on....

Ah, pretty.

Aw, cute.

The boy has always got to be building something.

Snowball fight in the making.

Snowball fight over, D lost when a very packed snowball went through the snow fort, spraying his face with a fine stinging mist before smacking into his cheek. The howling was funny but I managed a straight face and look of concern "ohhhh, thats terrible, should we go in?" Of course it was "nononono". But there was much face stinging and he wanted his scarf, which we then realized was IN the car which was encased in snow. Tea towel to the rescue.

But now we have these big piles of destroyed snow forts snow. What to do? Pile them together.

Pat it down, stomp it down, let it sit over night.

Then start digging in.

Refining the interior.

Invite some friends (2 neighbor girls were in awe).

Ooo, wait, silly me, needs "protection and decoration" - rain gutters in case of freezing rain (which we did get but not enough to puddle down over his doorway or on his floor) and a flag.

Not even hot chocolate would coax him in, nor dark, nor soaking wetness freezing on him. Sympathy for his frozen mommy did though. Aww sweetie.

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When have you been the most happy?

http://jdp.gaia.com — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 14:53:06 GMT

Now :)

Tags: QaR, happiness, life, happy, history

When have I been the most happy?

http://jdp.gaia.com — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 14:45:22 GMT

As I sit here and ponder this question I'm just stuck on "now, every day".

I mean I've had those hugely joyful moments - the birth of my son, post-surgery after a nasty surgery with a "woot! i'm alive" feeling, fun days with all the kids of my family.

But beyond moments of incredible joy, if we are talking about happy, when have I been the most happy? I'd say for the last 3-4 years. After I finally realized being happy was simply a choice I could make no matter what else was happening.

I love simple lol.

Tags: happy

Next? Taking stock. Fun on my Gaia page

http://jdp.gaia.com — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 15:32:01 GMT

So. After 3 months of SO much work, the school board votes 6-3 to keep my son's award winning school OPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Celebrate? Move on to a new cause? Rest? What next?

Last night my reaction was 100mph straight ahead - how to keep all these 'moving' parents moving for other good things...then this a.m. my reaction was more to take the time to give thanks (done, urge to move on again, lol). So I log into My Gaia and get some advice from my number, my tarot card and my horoscope.

I forgot I can't cut and paste the info here. I'm trying to save it as a pic to upload. No way I'm retyping it all....

Too funny.

Lets see if you can see....

Nope.

This way...

Nope.

Forget it.

I'm hating this blog stuff.

Anyway.

Yay for my kids school. Time to make a peace with whats done before moving on to whats next.

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The blog here and I seem to be having problems

http://jdp.gaia.com — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 15:21:53 GMT

Not sure what it is about me posting here but everything becomes impossible in my Gaia blog.

Lets try this with NO fancy anything and see what happens.

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myGaia friends.

http://jdp.gaia.com — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 19:13:45 GMT

I don't have a lot of people in my friends list here. But boy are they a great bunch.

I do keep up with everything you all are doing even if I am not leaving comments and checking in.

Some of the recent things that have really REALLY moved me here, just to share, in case someone is reading this that could use some more great friends:

Joy Bringer lives up to her name, every day.

Jeff is SO insightful.

Kundan says it so simply.

Deeps! Dang! What have I been missing?

Now if only my parenting pals would all get back here. I'd be so happy :)

Tags: love, friends, joy, wisdom

Walking on the leafy side

http://jdp.gaia.com — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 13:54:11 GMT

Today was Walk to School USA Day.

We always, well nearly always walk to school.

But today there was a whole passel of kids walking to school in a sort of walking school bus and my son had to join the crowd. They walked down the opposite side of the street we usually take.

My son dubbed it "The Leafy Side" of the street. Bouncing, pleading, loving "Mom, mom, mom can we PLEASE always walk down the leafy side of the street?!?!?!"

He's so my kid - I love fall. He loves fall. Those beautiful rusty looking leaves are impossible to resist, wading through, kicking them up, listening to their crunch, wanting to hunker down, scoop up a handful and sniff deeply. Mmmmmmm.

yeah, ok, so its nigh impossible to cross our main street at my corner but for my kid we'll play the Frogger game every a.m.

Tags: fall, leaves, small treasures

myGaia page

http://jdp.gaia.com — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 13:19:45 GMT

I am really lovign myGaia page. I check it first thing each day. But this morning I finally saw something that made me think "share!".

There is a wonderful quote by Paulo Coehlo that can be taken so many different ways.

"Anyone who has known happiness will never again be able humbly to accept sadness."

If you had shared that quote with me a year or even two ago, I would have shared "oh I KNOW! Its why I get so crazy trying to get people to listen, its why I always feel so impatient, its why I always am avoiding unpleasantness, its why I always try and cheer everyone else up".

Over time, over the hills over overwhelming joy and through the valleys of deep sadness, I've come to realize that its more appropriate for me to now think of such a quote focusing on "humbly" or "accept".

I no longer accept sadness. I appreciate it. I no longer humbly do anything. I celebrate everything.

Its the surest way and the fastests (is that a word?) way to get back to soaring over the happy hills.

Just because an experience, a moment or a feeling hurts doesn't mean it lacks value.

Tags: happiness, sadness

Mirror, Mirror, walking beside me

http://jdp.gaia.com — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 13:19:35 GMT

I've always understood that my son is a mirror of myself. I've always been sensitive. I've always seen the same sensitivity in him. I used to worry about it. So I worked hard on making him a little more capable, even at an early age, of managing his sensitivity. Mostly just talking, sharing Aha! moments and watching other people.

To be honest, just because I am sensitive doesn't mean I am sweet. I am probably the moodiest person on the earth that isn't medicated or institutionalized. I can always see when I am getting ridiculous just by what my son is reflecting back to me.

Sometimes its scary how easy he is to manipulate by being different myself - when he's grumpy I can just be silly for a second and voila, whole new kid. Then sometimes he pulls some stubborness out and its hysterical to feel him throwing me for a loop and doing the unexpected. Its not fun to watch him reflecting his father but at least its easy to get him to switch gears for mommy time.

Lately with the stress of starting school I've tried being very calm, very even and very cuddly with him (because he's been so upset that Mrs. J isn't like Mrs. G his pre-k teacher, all lovey and snuggly). Its been a struggle because I've not been feeling calm, even and cuddly. I've been feeling pretty much the opposite.

I've also been very observant and unattached a lot in the evenings, letting him act out his little drama's, because it gives me a great picture of his day without having to 'grill' him (which if you read back to the first day wasn't a very good idea).

I think round about last weekend and more so this week, I've been noticing him mimicking his teacher. Some of the things he says as Mrs. J are... well, um,.... not nice. I think it could just be how he perceives things she says which might really not be what she is saying (jeesh I hope not).

But last night was kind of the final straw. I've put up now for at least 5 days of my child trying to admonish me in a grown up way and not understanding what he was doing. I've put up with him assigning me green, yellow or red square on the behavior calendar for the evening simply based on did I do what he wanted (i.e. give him dessert first, let him run with the scissors...whatever). Last night he starts to yell at me.

"You are not listening! You are not completing the assignment! You are ruining everyone else's time! Thats it! You are NOT a part of the K-team!" I think my eyes must have shown how shocked I was because his face instantly melted from nasty looking to like he was going to cry.

I asked him why he was yelling at me and he said "Thats what Mrs. J tells us to do to ____ when he wouldn't finish tracing his letters (not putting kids names in here)." I said "WHAT?"

Well, long story short. Thats not precisely what Mrs. J says for the other kids to do to their classmates but that is how my little walking mirror is reflecting it.

I've decided to just sit on the whole deal for a bit because I'm just {can't even think of words here}.

I do appreciate the times I see him expressing himself very well and I can see he is mimicking Mrs. J I do appreciate how he is trying to incorporate his lessons into his life at home. Its how he absorbs things instead of just 'learning' them. But this...

I simply left him with "I know I've told you that you MUST listen to your teacher but I've been teaching you since you could talk to think for yourself. You know what nasty is. Are you a nasty kid? Be true to yourself."

We'll see how it goes.

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Taught to Hate

http://jdp.gaia.com — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 13:24:50 GMT

This came in my mail, I guess saturday, while we were out galavanting.

Maybe because I watched it while very sleepy, but all I could think of in the end was "where would the world be if all the children were taught to love instead of hate". (not just these children either - I see it here in my town)

After watching my son gather other children in love and exploration (he seems to do this wherever we go) for most of the afternoon, it was really a sad way to end the day.

I'll put some pics of the day up over in my photos of our day, probably some time today.

Tags: Love, Hate

Not the best of mornings.

http://jdp.gaia.com — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 15:18:42 GMT

I can laugh about this a little later. And I think I should share some of our not great moments. Because I think the worst is where we learn the most, find the most humor and can really SEE things kwim?

My post about this morning to some friends (on a crappy hurried up morning):

I stayed up too late watching some dumb movie - Michael Clayton. So then I overslept this a.m. DS is beyond uncooperative, a very not nice A-word (ok, asshole) almost slipped out of my mouth a couple of times. This morning is dragging so bad I look at the clock like every minute and think "no way!". Tonight is going to be no fun either as it'll just be a battle w/ ds - his assignment (no t.v., no toys until complete) is to draw out the steps of getting himself ready in the a.m.

Here is how it went:

Me: D. No playing, no t.v., no outside tonight until you make a picture chart of everything you are supposed to be doing to get yourSELF out the door in the morning.

DS: Mom, wouldn't it just be easier for me to take pictures...YOU take my picture....Yeah!"

Me: No.

DS: Why not?

Me: How would that help you think about what you need to be doing?

DS: Well if thats the point...but it would have been easier and more fun...you coulda taked a picture of me PEEING!!!! <insert maniacal laughter here>

Me: OMG, get your ass in the car.

I think while he is working on his morning readiness pics I'll be reflecting on how NOT to be a crabby mom in the morning, put my dvd player in a box and bury it in a closet (that thing just keeps me up, at least books let you get sleepy) and for real working on swearing around my son less.

Tags: The Ugly

Closing a Blue Ribbon School - HELP UPDATE! IT STAYS OPEN!!!!

http://jdp.gaia.com — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 12:54:39 GMT

I recently moved. I wanted my son to go to a great school. Now they are talking about closing his school and sending the kids to the school I moved AWAY from. To just really top it off, last night the school was named a Blue Ribbon School. You can opposed NCLB and testing and all that but I think this is an amazing accomplishment for such a small town school in an area hit hard by recession for decades not just recently.

So I am in protest momma mode.

If you know ANYTHING about opposing a school closing please give me a shout.

If you follow the newspaper link you will see we have signs (I bought one then gave another donation for them to buy more and give to people w/o the funds to buy their own), a petition and I'm working on checking pricing on pre-printed postcards to flood the board members with and someone has applied for a rally permit.

Any other ideas or advice is VERY welcome.

After 3 months of work and work and work - last night school board votes 6-3 to keep the school open!

Leaving this up here in case anyone else ever searches Gaia for some help on the topic - feel free to contact me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tags: education

Kindergarten

http://jdp.gaia.com — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 14:11:11 GMT

I looked forward to my son going to kindergarten. Hey, its nearly all day, low fuss, no muss, much easier than whats been. He's been going to daycare since 6 weeks old. At 3 he started staying home with his dad who was working nights but he was going to nursery school part day a few days a week (couldn't take this social kid totally out of socializing). Then last year he did 2.5 hour pre-k each weekday. I really couldn't imagine being one of those weepy kindergarten mom's. I felt bad for them, but couldn't really understand what all the crazy preparation, mental and backpackish, was all about.

Well.

D started kindergarten Tuesday. Today, 2 days later, is the first I think I can post about it. Maybe. Ok, still getting teary and sniffly.

It took me sitting at work all day Tuesday feeling sick and weepy, most of the evening prying at his thoughts with a barrage of questions and all of bedtime staring at him to realize what it was.

This is the first thing that is totally HIS.

All his

He gets himself up and ready to go (mommy is too sick in the a.m. to be supermom) and is usually waiting at the door for me to walk him to school. Today I was so non-functional he had "gorilla bars" (granola bars) in each pocket to eat on our 15 min walk. He remembers to put his lunch (packed the night before by himself) in his messenger bag, remembers to take his communication folder, remembers his "canteen". Yesterday when he forgot his lunch box at school and his dad said "we'll get it tomorrow" he staged a sit in on the sidewalk until dad agreed to let him go back and get it because "Mommy said I'm responsible for not losing my reusable containers!".

We don't get to go in the school at drop off or pick up like pre-k. No chatting with the teacher. No judging the days events by the moods of the crowd of kids in the room. No details on his day from the teacher (just a green, yellow or red square on his behavior calendar - 1 green, 1 yellow so far lol). No being able to tell if he was comfortable, hot or cold, tired or alert, etc. Happy or sad, surrounded by friends or lonely.

Phew, back after a sniffly break.

Gah. Maybe its too soon to post. Should have stopped at 3 kleenex lol.

Anyway, its all his. He's absolutely LOVING it. He calls to let me know daddy got him ok at pick up ask what he may have for a snack and then hangs up on me when I try and ask a question.

Last night I learned my lesson. Didn't ask a darn thing just said "Hope you had a great day at school...." and told him some of the highlights of my day. Then at bedtime he decided he wanted to talk about his day.

New lesson for tonight - he'll be really chatty when he thinks he gets to stay up later, go to bed earlier.

I'm learning. I might learn faster if I could get over the little grieving spell though :(

Lol :)

Tags: parenting, change, understanding, independence

Simple determination

http://jdp.gaia.com — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 14:11:24 GMT

I've simplified my life in so many ways that I've come to appreciate even the simple but wondrous things I see in my son.

At 5 going on 6 he's at an awkward time of still wanting to be mom's boy but wanting to be a "big" boy. I watch him go from wanting to take off in a crowd of strangers at a party and make friends to clinging to my lap when he meets even one new person. And this stage to me is just fascinating.

I'd say sometimes he gives up too easy. Sometimes I let it bother me in that hovering Parent way. At least I never voice it to him. I quickly remind myself that its his life. But other times he shocks me with his determination.

When that Lincoln log castle won't quite stay up....times when I'd have started over, he persists and builds the most wonderful things. When his 'switch hitting' seems to be off one day he doesn't automatically start hitting righty, he persists.

But so far I have to say my favorite moment of watching his simple determination was last night. He's trying very hard to get rid of the training wheels on his bike. But he truly still needs them. I told him when he could ride 100 ft without me hearing the training wheels dragging I'd take them off. Last night we were down by the river and he tried and he tried. Oblivious to me. Oblivious to his surroundings. Totally focused. I'd interrupt his concentration from time to time, trying to show him that the faster you go the easier it is to balance, that slow makes it hard, things like that.

Bright idea me. So he goes taking off, I'm sprinting to keep up with him (I'm so not a runner, my knees can't hack it) and he's still pulling away. I don't hear training wheels for MORE than 100ft. More like 100 yards. Then I see the wobble. He had looked back to give me a "AHA!" triumphant yell and smile.

Down he went.

I kept sprinting, with that cringing sort of hope that he'd just pop right up and say "phew". He didn't. He froze, crablike over his spilled bike. I plucked him off like I was dead-heading a flower, getting body parts off pointy-enough handles, biting pedals. I thought I'd just stand him on his feet but he clung to me and buried his face (its his crying in secret he doesn't want anyone to see and I don't know why). When he was done I asked him if he was ok. He showed me where the pedal got him in the groin, ouch and a red hand. I asked him if he could walk and prepared myself to haul the bike home like usual after a wreck.

But hey, whats this, he gets on the bike. He starts slow and says "Walk with me mom". I thought he wanted a hand on him. But no, he just wanted to talk.

D: Man, that was scary.
Me: Scary?
D: Yeah, the road coming right at my face. Glad my helmet stopped it.
Me: Yeah, that could hurt.
D: I'm not really hurt though.
Me: Thats good.
D: And I was going REALLY fast.
Me: Yes you were.
D: And I balanced the whole block!
Me: Yep. Impressive.
D: So you'll be taking off my training wheels?
Me: If you want.
D: Well they aren't going to save me from wrecking!

And off he goes, faster and faster until I have to sprint to stop him from forgetting in his joy that he shouldn't be crossing the intersection without me.

I thought he'd be heading home but oh no, now it was off to ride around the block with the bumpiest most uneven sidewalks "Because you've got to know how to handle those problems you know mom". Jeesh. Little philosopher on a bike.

Later he bragged to dad about his wreck being "a really good one" whatever that is. And at bedtime we did our usual day's rehash and he wanted to know if I ever wrecked.

So I told him some of my wreck stories:

*The time I was riding to school and my bookbag hit the front wheel and I went over the handle bars, got up, walked to school and didn't even cry until my mom came walking in the nurse room door.

*The time I was an adult and misjudged the side of a trail and slid down a steep hill by bike cheese-gratering me the whole way down.

*The time I was an adult and hit a stick I wasn't ready for and went over the handle bars.

He got a good laugh out of those and asked me why I still ride my bike if I'm going to wreck so much. I said because its fun, I love it, why let a couple little setbacks keep you from enjoying something you love?

But I don't think I have him convinced. I think he thinks he's either going to be bike invincible and never wreck once he gets the hang of riding. Or maybe he'll not love it enough to put up with the lumps.

But I can already see that maybe his determination WILL see him past those wrecks in life for something he loves.

I'll keep you posted on the training wheel status. He's got to prove it to dad first.

Tags: determination

Who Catches You When You Jump?

http://jdp.gaia.com — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 17:03:26 GMT

A recent "oh my" moment with my son, over in the Parenting Pod I think no one visits anymore, >sigh<

Tags: Courage, fear

Loving through Loss

http://jdp.gaia.com — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 14:45:39 GMT

Ahhh. Its been too long since I last blogged :) I've been busy being.

I did want to post here, not that I think anyone still reads here, so I can remember these thoughts some time from now.

Its one thing to grieve a dead loved one. You loved, you have happy memories, or maybe unresolved issues but eventually you come to accept and remember fondly.

But its so hard to keep loving someone who hurts you, someone who leaves your life yet it is a similar grieving process without the same end result.

Until recently I didn't even think I was capable of that. Disappointment, anger, hurt, some other feeling always got in the way. Eventually, if there must still be periodic contact with someone you might be able to be polite but to still love them? Fully, respectfully, they themselves as they are?

Today I can honestly say I've now done it twice. Ohhhh. I know. Big deal.

But it is to me. My son's dad has been my biggest source of grief for at least 5 years now. This weekend something in me finally let go. I don't know where it went but it went. And all of the sudden I see how easy it is to love him for him. I also finally see how I never stopped judging him despite being apart and it being none of my business. Now I see how I don't even have to like someone to send them some love (which seems easy to do when you don't have so much of yourself invested in "them" whoever they may be - like sending prayers or good vibes or whatever to afflicted or sufferers or persecuted far away). I don't have to "approve" of who they are because that is the greatest unfairness. I've been struggling with this for a long time. Some days it was very easy to feel benevelent and forgiving and other days it was impossible to get past being aggravated and feeling agrieved.

I think that occurred, after all this time, because another loved one, my best friend - the best friend I've ever had, all of a sudden and without explanation "unfriended" me. Just a brief note saying no more. Its taken me a little while to sort through my feelings. My initial anger reaction lasted all of maybe 30 seconds. But the rest, the sadness, the disappointment, the longing to connect being locked up, has taken time. And in the end I've come to realize its much less painful if I just continue to love him and sort of send him my loving thoughts if not by phone, in person or through email just out of my heart and in his direction. Its almost as if I've unclogged an important part of me, a part that when backed up with love unreceived actually causes me pain, mental/emotional/physical. So if I just send it out anyway and not let the love get clogged its very ??? - lightens me.

And its probably slightly delusional but I've convinced myself he'll receive it to, without having to be conscious of it and hopefully that means he'll always be loved no matter what else he may be going through.

How much energy does everyone in the world expend in dealing with ended relationships? What would it take for everyone not to see them as a loss but as an evolution to a new kind of love, the kind that isn't consciously received but still sent, still felt instead of loss and pain?

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ARGH!

http://jdp.gaia.com — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 18:54:43 GMT

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Sorry, needed to get out a little primal scream there.

Have you ever found it hard to reconcile your zaadzi-green or zaadzi-health self with an opposite fundamental self?

I'm asking this badly.

While I believe green is better, organic is better, healthy is better I am very much against government intrusion into personal choice based on what they deem "better" or "bad" (IF only because they are so crappy at knowing facts about anything but also because I have a problem with authority :) because I truly believe that is like anti-whatever you are trying to accomplish. I believe MUCH more strongly in innovation, education and "selling" better options. Force, to me, in diet choices is just as wrong as forcing people to a certain religion or forcing people to a certain government style not natural to their culture.

And I'm having a very difficult discussion with someone about the recent NYC transfat news in which my old, angry, very vocal, very sarcastic, very HYPER self is winning over me trying to calm myself and maintain recent achievements at inner-peace :)

Why can't people see that if it is ok for the government to force anything, meaning their one pet thing, its ok for them to force everything and that is eventually where their lack of personal morals and lack of personal responsibility will get them?

Sorry, I'm having a really bad MONTH.

Thanks for listening.

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Ah - not as alone as I thought!

http://jdp.gaia.com — Thu, 30 Nov 2006 14:50:54 GMT

http://franklinpennsylvania.us/General_PDFs/December%20Calendar.pdf

If you look at the last page of that community calendar pdf you will see my dinky little town isn't as backwards as they seem and I'm not as alone as I thought!

:)

Happy dancin! Can't wait to check things out Saturday. Also wondering how to post on zEvents. I am wishing I had zaadz biz cards sort of things to take to this and pass out.

Hmmm. Might be something to get on before saturday.

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Simple holiday joy

http://jdp.gaia.com — Mon, 27 Nov 2006 21:46:11 GMT

http://pods.zaadz.com/parenting/discussions/view/83843#83843

Simplicity, "greenness", joy and my son seem to be dominating themes in my life at the moment. Thought I'd share what I posted over in the Parenting Instruction Manual pod (trying to keep things alive while Wizetree gets busy.... oh ok, IS busy ;).

Myabe you'd care to post some of your simple holiday joys in response here, with kids or without, I know I love hearing about how people put the consumerism fanaticism on hold and enJoy, ESPECIALLY when its a big switch for them!

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The Simple Life

http://jdp.gaia.com — Fri, 17 Nov 2006 20:31:10 GMT

A friend emailed me a power point called "The Simple Life". Its really nice. Reminds me of Joy Bringer :)

I don't know if there is a way to share a power point on zaadz so I'm offering to forward in emails instead.

If you want it I can forward it from my gmail. Just send me a message at my old junk collecting gmail. Remove the spaces but use jds army wife @ gmail . com

If you like animals its a hoot!

Tags: